Uni has started. Classes are as hectic as they can get. I am already writing a script. The pitch is going to be a pain in the ass. I like it here. I love the windy nights. Specially the trees at night. I clicked this one tonight cause I was dying to do something.
I wish to address this to the young; who are young at both heart and in mind, Who are ready to accept responsibility for whatever wrong is happening in today’s society and realize that it’s their duty to do something about it .Who want to affect structural change through discussions, and critical and rational thinking, who are ready to remedy what they deem unjust.
“Past a million lights, Past the shadows, Past the determinism of morality, Past the human nature, Will you run tonight? Would you come? A million miles to run, To where we have to go.”
I have never been more happy, or sad at the same exact moment. My lack of emotions was something that concealed away a massive wreck inside me, but today it all just fell apart. Maybe it’s for the best, maybe not, only future can tell. To know that your time is up even before it started, is heartbreaking. As if you would willing stab your own heart with a dagger and bleed to death. Misery can be fun, I hope it will be cause I have A Million Miles to run and it wont be pretty.
“Everyone is weak, and it’s because they’re weak, that they hang on to their dreams.”
- Casca, Berserk.
I ran as hard I could this morning. It was a very relieving. I can’t remember the last time I screamed out loud, expressed myself loud and clear, let myself feel free. But this morning, I let it all go, I gave my very best. I got myself new shoes yesterday, and I can honestly say that I sure can earn my wings, Pegasus 30 ftw!
“People bring the small flames of their wishes together …since they don’t want to extinguish the small flame…they’ll bring that small flame to a bigger fire. A big flame named Griffith. But you know… I didn’t bring a flame with me. I think I just stopped by to warm myself by the bonfire.”
-Guts; Bonfire of dreams (Berserk)
I am losing sleep again. I have to evolve, better myself, move ahead. To know that you are still stuck at the same point is rather disappointing. Maybe I haven’t been trying that hard, maybe I am limiting myself mentally. But I am willing to push myself as much as its needed. Oh, I managed to finish 20km last saturday. It did mess up my knees a little bit, but I am ready to go for 30. Wish me luck.
To be able to accept different perspectives, different concepts; to be forgiving, to tolerate. Maybe that’s not me, maybe intolerance is what I really rely on. Maybe, it’s just my way and not theirs. Today, I will shoot all my idols, all my so called inspirations in the damn face. Today, I will walk my own path and see just what I am really made of and just how far I can go.
Finally, all the chaos has settled down. All the nervousness, the tension, the drama, everything is finally over. I am on a steady diet of home cooked food, milk and dry fruits. Last saturday I managed to run 18km. Would had done 20, if only my legs wouldn’t had given up. I actually wanted to go further, I really wanted to seek an end to what I had started so long back. It was a totally different feeling, I think that is what a runner’s high is like. My heart and my brain were in a perfect sync. And it takes quite a while to get in that state, but my legs kind of ruined it for me. Well I am training my legs more now. Shouldn’t take long before I hit the 20km limit. I have loads of stuff planned out, mostly photoshoots.