Living the way of your dreams isn’t easy. Either you let the flames burn you, or you burn to become the flames. It’s a decision you make, it’s a decision I must make.
P.S : Dream on, Like I do.
We were walking down a road in an unknown city, buildings on both the sides. Probably was a bazaar, or atleast it did seem so from the memory of it. She walked only a few steps ahead of me, occasionally turning around and smiling. I would smile back. All of a sudden she disappeared and even before I could comprehend the situation, I found myself lost in this city.
The road I walked was quite broad with pavement for the pedestrians on both sides. The buildings seemed from the 19th century, heavily influenced by Victorian architecture. Some vague memories of shimla, rishikesh and haridwar ran through my mind. The road had a lot of turns and junctions. After walking a while, I reached at the cross-roads. I saw a few people on a film set and I asked one of the crew member, “where is she? have you seen her?”. Promptly a short man replied, “walk down the road and take the first left.” I followed that man’s instructions and soon I saw her standing some 100 meters away from me. The buildings had started to crumble, the window sills blew to pieces, rooftops came falling down. Time stood still and the ruins started to fall down to ground like stars from an august sky.
She ran towards me, She ran hard, and we collided with a great force. I caught her in my arms and spun just to keep up with her momentum and avoid falling. In my arms, she cried out “you would never comprehend what I had to go through….” Embracing her warm body, I whispered “if it made you sad, I don’t think I even want to understand why.”
Memories from a dream. 11:27 am 28-11-2014.
“Lonesome with a hint of sorrow.” Those were words that came to me when I witnessed this sunset. From the cold of shadows, I yearned for the warmth of sun. The memories made me shiver, the cold breeze made it unbearable. Hands held together, I smiled, I let the pain run deep. I closed my eyes and I kept seeing things. I dreamt of so many things that night, I dreamt of so many things last night. My dreams are speaking to me. For a change, I am willing to believe my sub-consciousness over the decisions I make when wide awake. My dreams will once again be my savior. Perhaps hi(s)tory is repetitive, perhaps it’s just a loophole in time and space, perhaps my disposition is caused by my dreams. Ease my mind, ease your mind, reasons for me to find you.
-From the surreal to the real, here’s to you, here’s to what I saw in my dream.
“We were sitting in the middle of the fields at night. I could see the stars. The breeze was strong and I could see the leaves move, the trees sway. There was a music festival going on and some familiar uplifting trance set had come to an end. Then came this band playing an acoustic track. There was a huge gathering, but when they started to play, everyone exited the grounds. The place almost became empty and it was just the two of us, sitting together. I had my arm across your shoulder, sitting right next to you, holding you close and embracing your warmth in the night’s cold.
At one point you turned around and looked deep into my eyes. With a mystifying stare, you had me bewildered. It was a smile, as if you could fathom the inexorable, some premonition if you would. The music metamorphosed into visuals. The visuals were quite unique which slowly turned bizarre and startled me, while you just sat there, without any fear or hesitation looking at them. I was looking at it too, holding you tight in front of me, from over your shoulder, hiding behind you like a child. Sounds embarrassing but this is how it was. And then slowly we found ourselves lost to the music. We were holding hands and sitting there like lovers on the moon looking over the milkyway in the space, bound by only 1.622 m/s² of force. The night was slightly blue, impressions of The Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh were apparent. This just might be the most pleasant dream I have had in a long time.”
– 25 NOV 2012 4:17 AM.
Sheer solitude could bring you to a brink of breaking. Very menacing and fearsome but also equally forgiving, liberating and rewarding .
It’s only solitude that would show you what exactly you are made of. I haven’t won a war, I haven’t defeated an army of millions, I haven’t took on the world for that matter. But I did take a stand; A rather small step, but at the least, very important step.
This was taken some 15kms from Kumarhatti en-route Nahan on a very beautiful morning.
P.S – Run from yourself all you can, but those thoughts would creep right back in when you are only by yourself.
“Keep away from her,” said Ameer Merchant, but once the inexorable dynamic of the mythic has been set in motion, you might as well try and keep bees from honey, crooks from money, politicians from babies, philosophers from maybes. Vina had her hooks in me, and the consequence was the story of my life.”
― Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet
To sum it all up, I have taken arms with my own surreal dreams. I have declared war on the unreal, the unfathomable and most importantly, my own desires.
“I really wanted to see you,” I said.
“And I really wanted to see you, too,” she said. “When I
couldn’t see you any more, I realized that. It was as clear as if
the planets all of a sudden lined up in a row for me. I really
need you. You’re a part of me; I’m a part of you. You know,
somewhere — I’m not at all sure where — I think I cut
something’s throat. Sharpening my knife, my heart a stone.
Symbolically, like making a gate in china. Do you understand
what I am saying? ”
“I think so.”
“Then come and get me.”
-Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart.
To sum it all up, I am drenched in this surreal rain from my very own imaginary black skies because only in dreams I live now.